I'm 15 years old, I have major depression and have become obsessed with death, is this normal?

No rude comments, i'm not putting up with it. I just want some advice so if you can't do that then leave. Anyways i'm almost 16 and i've kind of had a rough past. I will say i'm very thankful that I have a family that loves and supports me. And in some ways i've gotten my life together, but I have become more suicidal, to the point where i'm obsessed with death. I spend days researching about the deaths of others and think about myself being killed in different ways, and when I think of myself dead I get this pleasing feeling inside that feels good to me. I even planned how I wanted my funeral, and picked out a type of casket, songs and themes for my funeral. I'm not planning on killing myself and thinking about how I die helps me for some reason. It's crazy I know, but I don't know why i'm thinking like this because I know it's not healthy. I can't see a therapist at the moment because my parents are struggling with money. I just want to know why I feel this way, and how can I get better? I've attempted suicide before but I know i'm not going to do it again because my family is being very supportive.